It's a Smash Smash Smash Smash World
by archaeo95
Summary: After a rich motorist is run off the road in a deadly crash, he reveals the location of his five million dollar fortune to ten strangers. All ten pursue the money, leaving destruction and stupidity in their wake.


I don't own anything in this story.

-

An exasperated Samus sighed heavily as she drove her orange SUV through the precariously windy roads of Death Mountain. She had just a few more miles until she hit her bed and breakfast in Kakariko Village. In an effort to entertain herself, she turned on the radio.

"Ugh… I hate this country-western crap," the bounty hunter grumbled as the sound of banjos and love-sick lyrics filled the vehicle. She switched the station again, and this time fast-paced techno music blared out. As she reached toward the dial to turn up the music, a black sedan in the adjacent lane shot past her car and surprised her.

"SLOW DOWN, IDIOT!" Samus screamed out of her rolled-down window at the speeding vehicle. She resisted the urge to use the more colorful side of her vocabulary and rolled up her window before slouching back in her seat and mumbling something about vodka and prison.

-

A gray mini-van was driving cautiously around the serpentine trails.

"Can't you go any faster!?" Wario demanded to Mario and Peach (Mario's wife). "At this rate, we're going to get to Zora's Domain by Christmas!"

"I _told _you," replied Mario in an annoyed voice, "If I _drove_ any _faster_, we'd be splattered on the ground at the bottom of the cliff right now!"

"Pfft! If _I_ were driving, we would be relaxing in lounge chairs by Lake Hylia by now!" exclaimed the treasure hunter.

"Just _relax,_ Wario," piped up the meek Peach. "Mario's doing the best he can. Give him a break."

"Oh, shut up! We all know- WHOA!" yelled Wario as the black sedan shot past them. "MARIO, YOU IDIOT! I COULD'VE **DIED** BECAUSE OF YOU'RE AWFUL…"

Mario sighed.

-

Captain Falcon coasted along in his deep blue convertible without a care in the world.

_It's kind of boring here, _pondered the F-Zero driver. _They should install a race track sometime…_

The captain's idle thoughts (that _**obviously **_weren't used just to up the word count) were interrupted by the screeching of tires behind him.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed, swerving into the other lane so the black sedan didn't rear-end him. "Not cool, dude!" he yelled to the vehicle.

-

Falco drove his black car in silence. He still had about an hour's drive until he came to the Air Force base where he was a flight instructor.

"Crap… I'm running out of gas," he realized as he noticed that the needle was on the verge of pointing to the "E."

Suddenly, the black sedan sped past him, much to the blue-feathered bird's surprise. He began screaming out the window. "WHAT KIND OF DRIVING IS THAT, YOU FU-"

-

Link and Zelda were out for a leisurely early afternoon drive in their Ferrari when a constant stream of expletives began pouring out of the black car behind them. Link stuck his head out of the window and looked behind at the source of the noise.

"Who is doing tha- OH GOD!" he screeched as the passing black sedan nearly took his head off.

"Whoa! Are you okay!?" asked Zelda.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," replied Link, not noticing that Zelda was affectionately stroking a portion of the car that had been scratched.

-

Ness, being the twelve year old genius he was, was driving his dad's cherry red car through the sinuous passages.

"No, Dad, I didn't steal your car," Ness said over his cell phone. "I, uh… took it to the shop! Yeah…"

The black sedan shot by, shocking the PSI user and causing him to drop his cell phone out of the window and into the deep canyon.

"Oh no…"

-

A pink Volkswagen was recklessly swerving from lane to lane.

"La la la…" sang Jigglypuff, driving at dangerously fast speeds along the roads. She stared at the wreckage behind her, and noticed that she had only knocked _three _police cars off the road. This was shaping up to be a pretty good day for her!

The black sedan drove into the lane next her. Both cars were going at about the same speed.

"Oh, hello Master Hand!" Jigglypuff greeted, waving her stubby arm at the driver of the other automobile.

Master Hand continued driving.

"Aww… Does someone need a hug?" Jigglypuff asked sweetly. She leaned out of the passenger window (making sure to keep a foot on the steering wheel) and reached out towards Master Hand to wrap her arms around him.

"Wait! Jigglypuff! What are you doing?" questioned Master Hand, losing his concentration on the road.

Jigglypuff's foot on the steering wheel jerked, causing her Volkswagen to slam into the side of Master Hand's sedan. His car bounced off the rock wall before breaking through the guardrail and tumbling into the crevasse below. He was flung out of the window before his vehicle bounced all the way to the bottom.

"Ooh! That was cool!" giggled Jigglypuff after she regained control of her car.

-

"…Do you think he's dead?" Mario asked. All of the motorists had gathered around Master Hand's body to see what damage had been done.

"Of course he is, idiot!" Wario snapped. "Not even _I, the great Wario, could have survived that! Okay, maybe I would, but-"_

"_Wait, he's starting to move!" Ness shouted as Master Hand's bloodied body started stirring._

"Urk…" Master Hand croaked. "I…"

"We need to get you to a hospital, sir!" announced Link.

"No… my five mil…" The hand gave a disgusting choke. "Behind the SM… Nintopolis… Someone should… find… ugh." He sucked in his last breath before falling limp.

"Five mil? As in five million dollars?" mused Falcon. "Awesome!"

"Um… What should we do with the body?" asked Peach, taking a step away from Master Hand.

Samus kicked him into the fissure.

"Works for me!" said Falco. "I'm gonna find myself five million dollars!" he sprinted up towards his car and hopped in.

"FIVE MILLION DOLLARS?! Come on, Link!" Zelda shrieked gleefully as she dragged her husband up to the Ferrari.

"Don't you think we should pay our respects or something?" Link questioned. His question fell on deaf ears, however, as all of the motorists had already hopped in their cars and driven off.

-

Yeah… it gets better/funnier/longer later. R&R!


End file.
